high colonic

n : - irrigation of the colon for cleansing purposes by injecting
large amounts of fluid high into the colon

Over the summer our family slipped away for a mini vacation at a local resort. The amenities were fantastic, but we didn’t go for spa treatments or rejuvenation. It was the water park, voted in the top 10 by the Travel Channel, that drew us to the property. We enjoyed days in the sun, sipping frosty drinks by the pool, floating down the lazy river with newly hatched ducklings, riding the waves in the gigantic wave pool, and the complimentary colon cleanse. Wait! Back up. Did you read that right? Ah, now there’s a story.

The park also has three water slides; two are eight stories high. After testing everything out, The Squire decided he wanted to try the tall slides. As the cool (and overprotective) mom that I am, I said: “Great! I’ll come too!” So we climb a gazillion stairs and take our place in line where I notice I’m the only female around. There were a few young dads, but the majority waiting for a turn were teenage boys. A normal person would make this observation and say, “Hey, maybe this isn’t a good idea for a mother who’s closer to 40 than 30”. But, I’m a thrill junkie in search of a high and I guess you could say I got it…

a HIGH colonic!

Plunging down a tube of water from eight stories up was not the problem. Stopping was the problem. Ouchywawa! It was like getting the most painful carpet burn/powerwash/wedgie in the universe/galaxy/cosmos and in the most personal/delicate/tender regions! I wasn’t the same for days. I think I’ll opt for a massage next time.

Note to self: Spa days good. Enemas bad.